Keeping Our Families Jewish
By Doron Kornbluth
We tell it to our kids. We tell it to our employees or students. We sometimes even tell it to ourselves. One step at a time. Slowly but surely. Small steps. Baby steps. Patience. There are many ways of saying the same thing – the only way to learn is to start slowly, learning each piece of the puzzle one by one. If you try too much too quick you are bound to fail. The Talmud actually has an ancient phrase for it: “Tafasta Meruba, Lo Tafasta” – which means, “If you have grabbed too much, you have grabbed nothing.”
Lurking behind the phrases is the simple notion that we can indeed learn many new skills as long as proceed slowly. In other words, these phrases actually contain two ideas, not one: (1) we CAN learn new things; (2) as long as we proceed slowly.
My wife is a dance instructor. I’m not (to say the least). True, I’m not naturally athletic or graceful. No matter how much I worked at it, it is highly unlikely I would ever be a great dancer. But the main reason that I am not even a competent dancer is that I’ve never actually tried. How many hours have I put into dancing? Zilch, almost.
On the other hand, last week I rented a stick shift car for the first time. First day, near-whiplash. 2nd day, less painful. 3rd day, even less painful. Put some time in and you can develop competency in most things in life.
The point is obvious. So obvious that we don’t even pay attention to it and therefore miss its importance. Put simply, we CAN learn new things.
As Jewish parents – indeed, as Jews, we should always be trying to improve. As Rosh Hashana approaches, it is a good time to start thinking about choosing from a number of possible steps to strengthen your family’s Jewishness. Possibilities are endless. Here are a few popular choices:
You CAN learn to say a simple blessing over the wine and bread on Friday night in order to bring some Jewishness into your weekly schedule. It’ll take a few times to get the Hebrew right. Net investment, MAYBE, 20-30 minutes. The biggest challenge for many people is getting over the embarrassment of being a university-educated successful person who can’t pronounce Hebrew. Relax. Most university-educated successful Jews can’t pronounce Hebrew. Modern life. But you CAN learn this short prayer, and making a Friday night Shabbat dinner is SO worth it.
You CAN learn the basic rules of making your home Kosher. Most of the food you buy is probably Kosher already. There are only a handful of symbols. And a few basic rules. Transition? Yes. Doable? Definitely. More and more families are doing it.
You CAN learn Torah. Torah study is the engine that keeps Jews Jewish. When communities and families learn Torah, their survival rates are extraordinary. When communities and families don’t …well, you can guess the rest. Torah study is not just for Rabbis, “the Orthodox”, men, Hebrew speakers, or any other subgroups of the Jewish people. It is for everyone. It is, can and should be exciting, interesting and motivating. One hour, once a week. Ask your local rabbi for classes or ask me and I’ll track something down for you.
You CAN learn to pray. No offense to any readers, but taking G-d out of the Jewish picture is like …removing the picture. Of course there is art and culture and tradition and scholarship etc etc…we are a great civilization, but a religious civilization. We brought the knowledge of G-d into the world, our entire tradition, holidays, etc are all based on developing a relationship with G-d. You may not believe, or believe clearly, or know how to pray or want to pray or know what prayer is, or ..or …or. Just means you are a normal modern person. But you CAN learn to connect to G-d. To pray. To open up your spiritual side. Doing so radically increases the chances that your kids will connect to their identity in a deep (and thus lasting) way. It’ll also touch your heart and life in a more beautiful way then you’ve ever imagined.
These are only a handful of examples of things that you CAN learn to do in order to deepen your (and your family’s) connection to Judaism. Each and every Jewish person, no matter how observant or non-observant they are, should be constantly seeking to strengthen their Jewish identity. It doesn’t mean radical changes – they usually don’t last anyway. But it also doesn’t mean stagnation – that is not inspiring to the next generation.
We should all choose one or two things to add to our Jewish lives this year. A weekly class. Friday night dinner. Kosher meat in the home. Sabbath prayer. There are endless possibilities and variations. Choose something that appeals to you. Something that seems doable. And remember, whatever you choose: Yes, you can!
'Keeping Our Families Jewish' is a free e-newsletter written by Doron Kornbluth. It is designed to help Jewish parents, grandparents, educators and activists keep Jewish identity strong. Sponsorships and Dedications are welcome. To join the list, or contact Doron directly, email info@doronkornbluth.com or visit www.doronkornbluth.com.
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